The Difference Between Helping People and Carrying Them
We all want to help people. That’s what leadership is: service, support, and sacrifice. But somewhere along the way, a lot of leaders confuse helping with carrying.
Helping someone means you meet them where they are, but you don’t stay there for them.
Carrying someone means you take responsibility for their growth. And that’s not leadership. That’s enablement.
Nineteen and Naive
When I was 19, I tried to help someone who had a drug problem. I had never struggled with drug use, so I felt confident, almost proud, to step in. If I’m being honest, I truly thought I was going to help him change.
I had this dream in my head. I’d help him, people would see the fruit, and I’d prove what a good leader I was. So I went all in. Success at all costs.
I let him live with me.
I helped him get a job.
I held him accountable.
But deep down, I was more focused on changing his behavior than on helping him experience the internal change he actually needed.
And for a while, it looked like it was working. Until the environment I built for him to win started to crumble.
The Hard Truth: You Can’t Want It More Than They Do
The truth?
I wanted him to grow more than he wanted to grow.
And that will never work.
That season taught me something I still carry today.
Growth takes time.
And I don’t have to see the end results in someone’s journey to have made a difference.
I can be content with just being a part of it.
That shift has helped me set boundaries, give people space to struggle, and stay ready for the lightbulb moments when they want to grow.
Because if we make leadership about us, we already lost.
Helping people means challenging them to own their part.
It means setting the table, not forcing them to eat.
It means believing in them without needing to be the hero.
From Applause to Impact
Growing for yourself is just the start of the journey.
Giving back to others without carrying them is where leadership gets really fun.
So don’t settle for applause.
Strive for impact. 💯