The Impact People Pleasing Has on Your Growth

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with pleasing people.

For a long time, I didn’t think much of it. I told myself it wasn’t a big deal. If anything, I thought it only affected me.

That’s not true.

People pleasing doesn’t just hurt you. It changes how you show up, how you make decisions, and how people experience you.

Almost a decade ago, I read something that forced me to take this seriously. It was about self-awareness, and it introduced a simple matrix with two dimensions: internal self awareness and external self awareness.

Four types:

Aware
Introspector
Pleaser
Seeker

The one that stuck with me was the Pleaser.

High external awareness. Low internal awareness.

The description:

“They can be so focused on appearing a certain way to others that they overlook what matters to them. Over time, they make choices that are not in service of their own success and fulfillment.”

That hit me then.

It hits harder now.

Because self awareness is not something you figure out once and move on. It is something you fight for. And the more responsibility you take on, the more it gets tested.

Lately, I have felt that tension again. It is harder to stay aware. Easier to drift. Easier to default to what people expect instead of what is actually right.

If you are honest, you have probably felt that too.

Maybe you lean Pleaser like me.
Maybe you are an Introspector, clear on yourself but not open to feedback.
Maybe you are a Seeker, still trying to figure it all out.

Either way, this is not neutral.

Where you fall in this matrix directly impacts how you grow.

How This Quietly Slows Your Growth

This is not just about personality. It shows up in your decisions.

You start making the wrong calls.

You climb a success ladder on the wrong wall.

You stall without realizing it.

You weaken trust over time.

This is why it matters.

Self-awareness is a direction setting tool.

If it is off, everything downstream is off.

So What Do You Do About It?

This is where most people stay stuck.

They recognize it but do not change anything.

Here is how to actually work on it based on where you fall:

Pleaser (High External, Low Internal)

You are led by perception more than conviction.

Before you say yes to anything, ask:
“If no one knew I did this, would I still do it?”

At the end of each week, write down three decisions you made for approval instead of alignment.

Then train it daily. Say no to one thing a day for the next two weeks. Even small things. Build the muscle.

Introspector (High Internal, Low External)

You trust your own perspective too much.

Pick one or two people and ask them weekly:
“Where am I off right now?”

Then stop defending it.

If you hear the same feedback twice, it is real. Adjust.

Seeker (Low Internal, Low External)

You do not have clarity yet, and that is okay. But you cannot stay here.

Stop waiting to figure yourself out.

Build clarity through action.

Learn something. Apply it the same day.

At the end of each week, ask:
“What did I do this week that shows who I am becoming?”

Aware (High Internal, High External)

This is where you want to be, but it does not stay without effort.

At the end of each day, ask:

What did I do well?
Where was I off?
What do I adjust tomorrow?

Then zoom out quarterly and reset your direction.

If nothing is stretching you, your awareness will fade.

Now Prove It 💯

Self awareness is not about knowing yourself once.

It is about adjusting yourself daily.

If your decisions stay the same, so will your life.