When My Leader Went to Jail: Lessons in Uncertainty
Recently, a memory resurfaced—one that I hadn’t thought about in a long time.
Lately, I’ve been in a season of building, and it feels like a roller coaster. There’s this subtle anxiousness I carry—not tied to any one thing I’ve done, but to the weight of my current circumstances. It comes from insecurities, inexperience, unhealthy expectations of myself, and the fear of what others might think of me in this season. The list goes on.
But what’s interesting is that this feeling is familiar. The situation is completely different, but I remember feeling this exact way when my leader went to jail.
A Season of Uncertainty
Years ago, I was in ministry when my leader was arrested. I’ll spare you the details, but it was a devastating blow—to me and to everyone involved. Outwardly, I tried to stay optimistic. Inwardly, it was one of the heaviest challenges I had ever faced.
It wasn’t just my own internal struggle. I felt the scrutiny of others questioning my integrity and the weight of expectations to be a voice of reason for those still in the ministry. Every single morning—without fail—I would wake up and go to our warehouse to pray. I’d put the song Oceans by Hillsong United on repeat for hours, just trying to find a sense of peace before starting my day.
Did the peace come? I don’t know. I still felt anxious. But it helped me make the decision to show up that day. And that’s when the phrase One Day at a Time became branded in my mind—because that’s all I could do.
A New Season, The Same Feelings
Now, years later, I find myself in a completely different situation, yet facing the same emotions. The challenge now? Building my business.
Just like before, I feel the weight of responsibility—not just for myself, but for those who believe in the vision. Some days, it feels like things are moving forward. Other days, I question everything.
Why? Because:
I’m realizing—again—how little control I actually have.
My leadership gaps are being exposed at an accelerated rate.
It’s hard to stay optimistic for myself and for others.
Each day feels like a roller coaster—the waves of emotion are exhausting.
I’m scared for the future.
But there’s one thing that’s different between then and now.
Back then, I was anchored to someone else’s vision. Now, I have a vision for my life.
Finding Clarity in the Chaos
When I left the ministry, I went on a journey to discover who I wanted to be. It was one of the most fruitful exercises I have ever done. It took years to develop, and I’m still refining it. But that’s the beauty of vision—it’s always evolving.
Back then, I was just trying to survive each day. Now, even though I still feel the weight of uncertainty, I’m not banking on one thing working out. I know who I want to be, and I’m committed to becoming that person—no matter what.
That’s the difference.
Who I’m becoming is more important than what I accomplish.
So when turbulent seasons come, even though I face the same mental and emotional challenges, I know where I’m going. And that reminds me to keep growing.
Encouragement
If you’re in a season of uncertainty, I get it. It’s uncomfortable. It’s exhausting. It’s scary. But when you have a vision for your life, you don’t have to rely on circumstances to keep you moving forward.
Keep showing up. Keep growing.
One day at a time. 💯